My Personal experience with healing


The beginning of my Healing Reiki Journey can be pinpointed to a single defining moment in my life. It was a tarot reading that was the catalyst for the journey I was about to embark on. I have always been truly grateful for that reading. I, myself have practised tarot since I was 18 but sometimes I just need a clarifier. Let me give you a quick run down.


Life was in a crazy spot for me. After meeting my soulmate I finally found a safe space to be loved. Not that I recognized it at the time. After my first born I had post natal depression, in a spiritual way I understood that this was caused by a toxic and stressful childhood and the strains of trying to have a relationship with my narcissistic mother. My beloved Grandma died just after my second daughter's first birthday, unfortunately this spiralled me even further into depression. That same year I broke my ankle and suffered a close call DVT. My mother was less than sympathetic as I spent two weeks in the hospital but I was lucky I had such beautiful friends in my life. They looked after my girls for me so my husband could work and visit me.


I have to tell you the relationship my mother and I had was one of control, manipulation and at times just plain spiteful. Neverless it shaped the person I was, even if that was a negative, emotional stunted woman. After a long conversation on Christmas Eve on how shallow I was as a person and how unfortunate my kids were that they were born to me, I finally found my courage and walked away from my Mother. For years I would spent hours crying over our last visit, days overthinking how horrible I was as a person. I have to say my bravery didn't stop my tears, I was depressed for another year. Unable to process who was at fault I carried on with my life, deciding I had to be my own hero in life. I still carried around my negative thought process, belief systems and emotional pain of our existence together but I didn't have to endure the painful experience anymore.


My husband and I made the decision to emigrate from England to Australia. The process was swifter than we both anticipated as I was born in Australia and had always carried a passport. Before I knew it we had said Goodbye to our World as we knew it and set about creating a new one. A dream life really, it was our chance to grow as a family and re-invent our lives.


My husband a very fine chef started up his own restaurant. For as long as I can remember it had been his dream to own a restaurant. Thrilled for him, when he asked me to help I couldn't say NO. Well the work was hard, I was drumming up trade, writing menus, handing our fliers, organising "theme" nights and it all worked. We were both exhausted from 16 hour shifts (we did not anticipate that!), our children came to work with us so their routine was completely out of whack. Honestly I felt so overwhelmed with the responsibility of running a business, tending home, sorting the kids out. To top it all working together brought out the insecurities and rehashed the wounds we still both harboured from childhood that we just didn't talk about.


During the first year of business I fell pregnant with my much wanted son. It seemed bad timing, but when I look at him I know in my heart it was Divine timing. He is such a beautiful kid. I took a couple of weeks off for maternity but then I had to return to work. We couldn't get a baby sitter so we would set them up in the function room with a dvd player and their favourite shows. I can't tell you how guilty I felt, I wanted to be a better mother but I felt like I was failing. I mean they were happy and everything but in myself I wanted to be better for them. By the end of the 3 year contract I was emotionally exhausted, drained and really ready to go home. We took a holiday in England for a few weeks to rejuvenate before coming back to set up a new cafe.


We set up our cafe beautifully, together my husband and I put together a fantastic menu, made the vibe comfortable and inviting and business took off really well. He is, and was, an awesome chef, I was really good at front of house, I'm trained in Silver Service waitressing so we set a pretty high standard for ourselves.


A week after we opened someone kicked in our patio door at the cafe. They stole the soda from the fridge and caused some damage. It was a devastating blow but we pulled ourselves together and claimed on the insurance. Three weeks later it happened again. And then again, everytime we had a good days takings, smash another window or door to replace. I feel it prudent to mention this was happening to all the businesses in our mall but that did not make it easier knowing that. As our finances diminished so did our passion. It became really stressful, our insurance premiums were so high we had to take a loan out to pay them. On and on it went, to put it into context it happened 54 times in 4 years. I can hardly believe it myself but it is true. Then the recession hit, I felt like we couldn't catch a break. We worked harder to get the customers, both my husband and myself were now overwhelmed with money issues, fighting and saying the ugliest things to each other. Neither of us felt valued, we both felt downtrodden and disappointed in the dream life that had quite frankly turned into a nightmare. As we fought each one of us leaned into our childhood patterns to find the solution, throwing out triggers left right and centre. We had forgotten how to communicate. The first rule of marriage is communication - ours was rocky at best!


I began to sell flowers in the cafe to improve finances, with hardly any money I set the cafe up to sell arrangements and bouquets but it wasn't quite enough to cover the windows. I was consumed by my negative existence, I wanted it all to end, Life felt so icky at the time. I wondered why the Universe was doing this to us, were we being punished? Every night as I felt sleep take me I wished for a way out of this messy, unkind situation. Every new moon I would put it on my list. Finally, something did change, but not in the way I wanted it to.


One Thursday afternoon, a gang of about 15 lads were terrorizing the man in the shop across from me. It was very scary and left me feeling helpless. The next day my dear friend died from a massive cardiac arrest. He was two months off retiring and travelling the world. The irony was certainly not lost on me so I prayed harder for a better life. It was such a painful experience as I tried to carry on, knowing the one person who made me laugh every day was gone, it made me want to leave more than ever.


A week later on a Friday night, my husband had taken the children home and I was to wait for the last table to finish and then lock up. I sat in the booth talking with my regulars when I heard the patio door open, assuming it was my husband I didn't look up. Thinking he had forgotten something I went to help him find whatever it was to be confronted by my assailant. He swiftly dug the c=screwdriver he had into my side, I stepped back so it didn't penetrate the skin, as he slammed a hammer down on the till and made off with a very busy days takings. I knew in that moment I had reached my limit. I felt completely defeated and on the verge of a nervous breakdown.


In the following weeks as we ended our contract and tied things up my anxiety levels were exponencial, I was experiencing panic attacks every time I went to the cafe. I was very shaky, emotional, I hated myself for telling my husband I couldn't do this anymore, I felt like I was crushing his dreams and no one wants to be that person, right!. The stress for me was so overwhelming, I was so caught up in this that I was finding it difficult to talk to my husband about it, he was also caught up in the cycle and didn't want to feel it. Another wall went up between us. The only form of communication now was anger and disappointment we had for life in general. We were drowning in debt but we still had the flowers.


At the time we worked for an online company making and delivering flowers. Things were just beginning to be stable and then they stopped paying. This put us in another financial quandary. I put all of my energy into building a flower website. Spending hours generating business on facebook through free adverts, name dropping everywhere and finally it began to take off. I was grateful for the flowers but after the cafe I felt so empty, lonely, actually a little bit broken. I was asking why me? Was my childhood experience not enough punishment?



Some of the lovely arrangements we make



So I went for a tarot reading, to find out what my future had in store for me. It was the most definitive and brutal reading I have ever had. I am so very grateful for that day as it was in fact the catalyst I needed for change within myself.


As I sat opposite her she told me that my cup was completely empty. She said I was literally a shadow of who I was supposed to be. She gave me a list of things to do to bring about improvements in my life, she warned if I didn't do anything about it over the next few years my life would stay the same forever. Sobbing, I looked as she pointed out "The Tower", I had seen that card show up so often in my own readings at home and tried to ignore it but here it was staring me in the face. I knew the tower was not really a bad card, I knew it meant that I had to let the walls fall around me, heal so that I could build a solid foundation for who I wanted to be. It was the wake up call I needed. I began journalling, bought myself some crystals, started using my oils again.


My friend invited me to join a yoga class. It's a funny thing because I always resisted Yoga. in my mind, I wrongly mistook it for old people stretches or New Age practice, of which I was neither. So that first class was a real eye opener as I realised I couldn't even touch my toes. It spurred me on to find my flexibility. As I practised more I noticed that emotions were coming up to the surface. I spent one sunday at a Yoga retreat and cried the whole way through. I felt like I was a hot mess but then a few days later I felt considerably lighter. The yoga had cracked open my Pandora's box of emotions and there was no putting the lid back on it now. For the first time in years I let go of my anger and reached into myself with the breath.


I can remember one particular day in a class I was practising Yin Yoga. I felt so proud I was standing in Warrior pose, my stance was strong and the first time I was not wobbling. As I breathed in deeply I felt a huge rush of anger release, followed by hot salty tears. It was bizarre and I felt so incredibly sad. The more I reached inside the more came up, the yoga seemed to flood with emotion I didn't know what to do with. However, it did help me to process my need for healing and for resuming my spiritual practise.


It was actually my cat Stan that introduced me to Reiki. He was riddled with arthritis and as I was already experienced in the alchemy of essential oils it seemed reasonable to use my knowledge to help him. I started by rubbing lavender and chamomile along his spine. It seemed to help. He still struggled to negotiate the balance on his back legs but he looked much more comfortable. I would do this every night, after a while I started moving my hands into different positions. Cuppings my hands I could feel a sort of pressure building up and a little heat. To my complete surprise he just got up and walked away when he had enough, no struggle at all. I was intrigued to know what the difference was, so the next night I did the same again. This really got me thinking, was 'healing hands' really a thing?


My lovely Cat Stan Lee


Well I didn't have to wait too long to find out. As I was browsing through Facebook I stumbled across an advert for Reiki I workshop. We didn't have too much money but I knew I had to be on that course. As soon as I walked in I knew that Reiki was most definitely the healing tool I needed in my life. I felt so calm and peaceful. My hands felt so receptive to the energy. I really enjoyed the class and as I left with my certificate I felt so excited for all the people I could help.


Reiki I is about self though. It's about filling your own cup before you treat others. I had no idea how immersive the 21 day cleanse would be. This whole healing system was sophisticated in that it brought up old emotions and softly, ever so gently soothed and dissolved them. My mantra became "Just do the Reiki". As I began practicing on friends and family I learned so much more. The Reiki was as healing for me as the practitioner as it was the for the client. And my cat was in love with the Reiki energy, he would sit so close and patiently wait for his turn. So it was really a no brainer for me when the class for Reiki II came available.


Reiki II is about helping others and turning your practice into a profession or just knowing yourself better. I remember the joy of being handed those sacred symbols during the attunement. It was such a beautiful and special moment. As I committed to learning and incorporating a new level of Reiki I felt more whole than I ever have. The Tower had fallen but my solid foundations were forming, the me I wanted to be was returning. That lost feeling became the past, as my mindset entered a positive state, I began self enquiring, the Reiki made it easy to transmute my energy and channel into Love and Kindness, connecting me with my true self. As I floated out of there, proud as punch with my new certificate I felt ready to help others in their healing journey.


The more I used the symbols the more my life changed for the better. My thoughts and focus were clear as I evaluated my purpose in life. My intentions were pure, my intuition much stronger, I was beginning to allow myself to trust in the energy, in the whole Universe again. I was tapping into my authentic self, old habits and beliefs that had served me in the past were falling away, freeing me of the limitations that the imprint of my childhood had left me with. I wasn't fully healed but my healing was spilling out and the new love I had found for myself was expanding into my family life. Everything was clearer, I found joy in my life again, I finally felt like my cup was getting fuller. When I started doing Reiki Swaps with other practitioners I explored past lives and dissolved many more blockages. Using Past life healing is quite a spectacular experience but I will do more on that in my next blog.


I could still feel the residue of my childhood in my womb. With big fibroids and constant chronic pain I self reikied most days to try and manage the pain. In my heart I knew it was the manifestation of the years of pain I had endured growing up. I would reiki and thank my womb for the 3 beautiful loving children it had carried and safely birthed, I made up essential oil creams. It was debilitating though I often could not stray too far from my room and eventually it got worse. My Doctor was not providing any answers and as the pain increased I consulted with another Doctor who referred me to a Specialist in womens issues. Around this time I signed up to do my Reiki Masters, attuned with the Masters symbol I felt well equipped whatever had to happen. My specialist is wonderful, she has such a beautiful nature and is so reassuring, you can tell from her glowing aura she is passionate about helping women and I am super grateful for her.


Trying to create the right logo for The Secret Healer


Just before my 2nd trainee workshop she thought she had found Cancer. At first I was in shock but then I leaned into my Reiki practice. I knew I could not control the events that would have to happen so I worked on my mindset. It started on the plane to Broome. I went with my hubby and son and we all had to sit in different places on the plane. I am terrified of flying so I settled myself, slipped on my music and began to self Reiki, immediately after I laid my hands on my heart space I felt the calm wash over me like a protective cloak. I continued for about 20 minutes and I was all good. It gave me a minute to think about what was happening in my body. I instinctively knew that the state of my womb was connected to the toxicisity of my childhood. The mass being investigated was the pain I had endured, I told myself that my body was expelling that and that the Reiki had actually done it's job. If it was Cancer I would meet it head on. Oh and I asked that a logo for my new business fall out of me before I left. The proof is above.


The picture you see is me in Broome, just after I got the news it was not Cancer. The funny thing about Broome is that it is such a spiritual place. You can feel the magic of our Ancesters there, you can feel the magic of the Boab Tree. I read a lovely book whilst I was there about Aboriginal healing and found out it was a great place to visit for women's fertility. Our trip there was amazing! Two days after we returned my specialist booked me in for surgery to remove the mass.


I had already experienced the energy of Reiki when having mouth surgery, it had served well with my fear of flying, I was about to really test what Reiki could do for me. Terrified about my hospital visit I did self Reiki for the two days before surgery. I set my intention that everything would be fine and I would be all better in no time at all. The night before I sent future self Reiki for the next day. The next day I was waiting around and I did Reiki and fell asleep. The nurse woke me up and took me into surgery. I felt so calm and relaxed. After a few hours in surgery I was woken up on the ward and I felt great. Like everything had gone how I expected.


When I went home I did my Reiki twice a day on my womb area. within three days I was pottering around again. I felt like I had a new lease of life. A week later I went to see my Specialist and she was amazed at how quickly I had recovered. I felt so free of the restraints and limitations I had held onto for so long, the surgery was a necessary release.


When I graduated as a Reiki Master I felt so proud of the journey I had completed, I hardly recognise the scared little girl who felt so unloved. What changed? I did! The Reiki really helped me to become my own best friend, to actually treat myself as I would my friends. I felt like my own Superhero. I created this relationship with myself that I could trust in, rely in. I realised the Universe absolutely had my back I just forgot to trust. For me the whole Reiki Journey has been enriching, nurturing, loving. It has helped me to master my negative emotions, to help others to master their emotions. It has well and truly filled my cup with enough left over to help others on the same journey. Truly Reiki has revealed the secret love I have for myself, I hope this will inspire you to start your Reiki journey starting with Reiki I - Journey to Self.


The beautiful Souls I got to train with for Master Reiki


I believe that Reiki is Love and that Love is much more powerful than Fear. As a collective I hope to help others to increase their intuition, find clarity and focus in their life, eliminate their anxiety by finding an effective method to deal with it. My intention is always to provide a safe place to hold space, encourage others to see their strength and nurture their inner child. Empower them to step into their power, and feel the love they need to succeed in their lives in their own authentic and beautiful way.


If you found this blog interesting I would love it if you could pop something in the comments. To learn more please explore my website, or give me a call on 0475 776 824, alternatively drop me an email at secrethealing1111@gmail.com.


We also have open arms for you if you would like to join us on facebook or instagram.

https://www.facebook.com/secrethealingofemotions

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Thank you so much for reading, I wish you much love and light in your day



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